Change happens…
I am a big fan of change. If it were up to me, I’d change my job, my style, my diet, and even my place of residence every year. I almost feel a bit envious when others move or start something new. Because a fresh start is always something magical. And I love it. I’ve moved so many times in my life, and each time I was okay with leaving behind old habits and neighborhoods to take a chance on a new beginning. Again and again, I wondered why it is so hard for others to make changes in their lives. There are people in my circle who practically panic at the thought of things not staying exactly as they were, even though they are not always happy with the old. But these are habits they know, and they give a sense of security. That these habits might not always be beneficial and that new situations could potentially make them much happier is secondary. Sometimes, I even think people sabotage themselves because it’s easier to live with what you have than to take the effort to change things for the better. Or because it gives them a great way to confirm their own limiting beliefs.
Take Mareike*, for example, who has wanted to move out of her old student apartment for months, a place where she has never felt comfortable. I suspect it’s because the place has been in desperate need of renovation for ages, but Mareike either doesn’t feel like dealing with it or doesn’t see why she should bother painting the walls now that she works full-time. What she doesn’t see is the cheap rent and the perfect location. What she’s looking for: same location, twice the size, freshly renovated, with parking, all for under 800 euros rent, utilities included. I may have forgotten to mention that we’re talking about Cologne here. That this is almost an illusion doesn’t stop Mareike from holding on to her expectations. So one might ask, why doesn’t Mareike just lower her standards or rally all her friends for a little renovation session? Because it would simply be too easy. Because the belief that "everyone else is born with luck except me" can be too strong to prompt action and initiate change. And so this basic attitude is constantly reinforced, and things remain as they are... until we start to confront these very beliefs.
There are also moments when we are confronted with changes we didn’t wish for. Perhaps a job loss or an eviction due to the landlord’s personal use (which might actually help Mareike). When the situation seems dire, few people look for the silver lining. Yet, surprisingly, it’s this sense of urgency that can help kickstart changes we secretly wished for or at least view them as an opportunity.
Then there are those who are already a step ahead. They want to make a change, but something holds them back. Unload the dishwasher, clean out the basement, and didn’t I want to start jogging? The apartment shines, the endurance is optimal, and yet we find new tasks to keep us from doing what we have long promised ourselves we would do.
Let me introduce you to Linus*, the king of procrastination. For a long time, he’s wanted to start a side business. He’s completed outrageously expensive courses with success and gets great feedback for the work he has done for free so far. I ask him what’s holding him back, why he hasn’t just started. Linus has nothing to lose. He doesn’t need start-up capital, he’s financially secure thanks to his main job, and he seems to do his work exceptionally well. Linus’ answer: I don’t know. Because he’s never asked himself that question. Yet this simple question can take away all fears. If we confront them, we can dissolve our limiting beliefs, and urgency can become one of the best motivators for positive change. You can read more about this in this blog.
*Name changed
Are you interested in coaching, facing a major change, or finally want to initiate it yourself? Then contact me here, and together we will tackle this challenge.
